From: "Aislira Falcon" Date: Thu Jan 22, 2004 2:49 am Subject: FIC: My Immortal 1/1 My Immortal - a Gundam Wing fanfiction by Aislira

My Immortal

by Aislira & Anne

I'm crawling out of lurkdom with this hopefully depressing little piece of fiction. Thanks to those who supported my decision to post this, even though I'm quite sure no one will read it. So, this fic is dedicated to No man, may Odysseus shine on him.

Anne's Notes: This is a songfic. The song is "My Immortal" by Evanescence. It is a wonderful song, very pretty and very sad. If you have the song I highly recommend you listen to it as you're reading this story, but it is in no means necessary. I just firmly believe that it will enhance the feel of the fic.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone


-The rain falls softly on the picture windows. A body is curled on a large couch, seemingly swallowed by the dark cushions. A broken voice whispers into the night, "Quatre."-


These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you'd cry I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
You still held all of me


A shaking hand wiped away silver tears from a pale cheek. Vibrant green eyes stared into heartbroken aqua ones, "Hush, love. I don't care about that. I'm not going to leave you, not when I've just found you."

"But Trowa..."

Trowa lowered his head and kissed Quatre, saying physically what he could not with words. When they parted Quatre leaned his head against Trowa's chest and whispered, "I'm so scared, Trowa."

Trowa ran his hand through the silken hair and hugged Quatre closer, "I know." He didn't say it would be all right, for it wouldn't, and they both knew it.

Quatre gazed up at his friend turned love, "Trowa, will you do something for me?"

"Anything."

Fresh tears leaked from Quatre's eyes and coursed down his cheeks to be swallowed by Trowa's turtleneck, "Love me?"

"I do."

Quatre's eyes, always bright and sure were now dim and desperate as he pleaded, "Please, Trowa?"

Swooping down for another tender kiss, Trowa responded, "Always, my beautiful Quatre, always and forever." He scooped Quatre into his arms and carried him into Quatre's bedroom. They made love that night, the first time of many.


You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind


Quatre smiled up at Trowa, the pain and fear concealed deep in his oceanic eyes, "I'm fine really. It's just for a few days, nothing to be worried about."


Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice has chased away all the sanity in me


Hands skated over a too thin body. Lips worshiped the revealed skin, driving away pain with their tender ministrations. Quatre's face was contorted in pleasure as Trowa's mouth found his aching length and drew it slowly into his mouth, sucking lightly on the tip before drawing his cock deep into his mouth. Trowa's tongue worked busily, flicking from point to point, stopping here to run over the vein, pausing there to dip into the slit, tasting Quatre's passion. All too soon the blonde boy came, gasping for breath and watching as Trowa drank him, his essence, his very soul, in. As best he could Quatre pulled Trowa up his body and kissed him, tasting Trowa's life and himself in the moist cavern. They pulled apart and Trowa asked one last time, "Are you sure?"

Quatre's eyes pleaded, only now showing the heavy knowledge he had carried alone for so long, "Please, Trowa, make me forget?"

Trowa nodded and reached to the nightstand for the tube of lubrication. He spent precious minutes preparing his angel; the last thing he wanted was to cause Quatre more pain, and then himself. Finally when Quatre was literally begging for him, he slid into Quatre...and knew with a gut deep feeling that after Quatre there would never be anyone else. There could never be another that fit him so well. As Quatre sheathed him so perfectly he knew he was home.

Quatre gasped underneath him, Trowa feeling so right. He twitched his hips and whimpered, "Please, Trowa."

Trowa slowly pulled out before thrusting back in, striking Quatre's prostate with deadly accuracy.

Their tender lovemaking was tinged by desperate knowledge that their time was limited. After their climaxes were attained they curled in each other's arms, their problems forgotten for the moment.


These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase


-Trowa sits up and curls his arms around his knees, "Quatre." He inhales shakily, the pain a large ball in his chest. It hurts even to breathe. He tries to focus on the good times, tries not to mourn, tries to move on like he had promised Quatre, but he cannot. The bad times: the hospital stays and the nightmares are all that he knows now. He knows it will not get better with time and the pain rises up to swallow him again.-


When you'd cry I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
You still held all of me


Trowa held Quatre's hand; disturbed to see the tears falling from once satisfied blue eyes.

In the background machines busily beeped and hummed. His Quatre, his love, his partner in every way, looked so small, so weak on the hospital bed. Quatre gripped his hand tighter and whispered, "It hurts so much, Trowa."

Trowa grimaced and covered their clasped hands with his free hand, "Do you want me to call the nurse?"

Quatre shook his head, "No, just stay with me." Through the tears and the pain Quatre smiled up at Trowa, "I love you, Trowa." Then his eyes closed for what would be the last time.

Trowa brought Quatre's hand to his lips, "Quatre, I...love you, too."


I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone
All along


Trowa sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair, holding Quatre's hand. Though Trowa knew it was well beyond the point of hope, still a small spark lived in his heart. Today, however, that spark died. He began speaking, haltingly, his voice rusty from disuse, "It's our anniversary, Quatre. The day you told me everything, and then tried to send me away. You told me it was for my own good, said you were strong, and didn't need me, but I had to stay, because I loved you then. I love you still, Quatre. There's been no one but you." Silently he added, there will be no one but you.

Out loud he continued, "You haven't opened your eyes for a year, Quatre, and I know now you never will again."

Trowa leaned over and pressed a last tender kiss to Quatre's unresponsive lips, "So let go, my Quatre, let go."

With machines whining in the background, Trowa watched as Quatre flew away from him, only a single tear falling to show the world that he knew, and mourned the loss.


When you'd cry I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years


It was a sunny day, the kind of day Quatre loved. Everyone he had ever touched was there, Rashid and the Maguanacs, all his sisters and their family, Heero and Zechs, Wufei and Duo, Noin, Une, even Relena had taken time from her busy schedule to attend. No words were spoken; none had to be. As the machine lowered the empty shell into the ground he felt as if part of him, the part Quatre had found, his very humanity was being buried too.

Afterwards Trowa accepted condolences from Rashid, and deflected an offer to stay with them. The sisters made the same offer, and were quite persistent, but finally the eldest ushered them off. The youngest stayed for a moment and drew him into a loving embrace, "Our brother loved you, and you brought him comfort where we could not. For his love, we love you, too. You are our brother through his love. If ever, ever you need us, let us know. Peace be with you, brother."

With tears shining in her eyes she hurried after the others.

Next he was tackled in a hug by Duo. Duo's eyes were dry, but reddened from past tears. He was quiet, and an air of quiet understanding passed between the two pilots. Wufei stood close to his lover and offered, "We have a spare bedroom anytime you'd like to escape your apartment."

Trowa gave a slight nod, "Thank you, I'll think about it."

Wufei stepped forward and hugged Trowa, whispering, "I know."

For a second Trowa was angry and slightly confused until he realized Wufei must have been talking about Treize. He nodded again, "I'll be fine, Wufei, but thank you."

Wufei stared deeply into Trowa's eyes, and with great misgivings nodded curtly, and the two left, arm in arm.

Heero and Zechs approached him after Wufei and Duo had left. Heero was silent, his eyes emotionless, but Trowa could see the shimmer of tears threatening to destroy his veneer of control. Zechs was also dry eyed, but when he spoke Trowa could hear the grief closing up his throat, "It is a shame one so truly beautiful, inside and out, was taken so young. I know this is something you have to deal with yourself, but if there's anything we can do for you, please don't hesitate to call."

"I won't, thank you," Trowa murmured and they too left arm in arm.

The afternoon wore on, different voices offering the same type of words. Catherine drove him home, insisting he was in no frame of mind to be driving. She hovered around; making him food he couldn't eat, asking if there was anything he needed. Finally he couldn't stand another being's presence and he told Catherine he needed to be alone. She took the hint and left, promising to be back the next day.


You still held all of me...oh


-Trowa stands from the couch and moves to the window. He rests his forehead against the cool glass and stares out at the rain-drenched night, so much an echo of his own heart. He speaks up to the dark, heavy sky, the moon obscured by clouds, "Always and forever yours...my heart, my soul."-


Me...oh
Me...oh

the end